WARNING!!!
Please
DO NOT continue reading the following contents if U felt offended or uncomfortable… Thank U very much and 4 your cooperation…
I used to be very naïve when I was young, thinking that this world is filled with extremely nice people who are willing to help regardless of who U are, just like a Big Family. Never did I know that on the other hand, Devil had laid its curse here in this human world too. It is called “
Only the Tough One Survived”… I don’t really know the Rules & Regulations until “Someone” really taught me how during my childhood… Just imagine I had to learn how to play according to this game at the age of 4 in order to survive.
After 2 to 3 years of “Training” under the “Devil’s Institution”, I’m finally set free and am able to come back to the human world. But I was too frighten to come back and face everyone. In my eye, I don’t believe and trust anyone anymore, not even my own family members cos’ everyone seen just too scary to be trusted… I can’t even differentiate who is good and who is bad…And I just don’t want to hurt myself again, the only person who I can trust is myself, cos I’m the only companion to myself throughout the whole “training”…
Many of U though that I’m very unapproachable and weird, but did U guys even understand that I’m more AFRAID to mix around with U guys compared to acting Arrogant in front of U? Did U guys even undergo the torture that I had gone through? Why is it that a 4 year old like me had to go through all this when others are still under the care and protection of their parents?
Is it really fair to me to be treated like that?
I always hope that someone will come and save me one day, bring me away from the pain that the Devil had planted into my memories… But now I think it’s just too late already, cos whatever things people dos and done in front or around me, every little things and actions, things they said or unsaid, reminded me of my past, my pathetic past… I just can’t run away from this devilish feeling inside me…
I had been tortured by my memories, even when I’m sleeping. Really hope that there is someone there to help me…. I had been praying every night, every moments that someone will even notice and help me…What I need is just one helping hand, just one help hand… Is it that difficult? My face is soaked with tears every night, until I’m so used to it that I don’t even know whether am I crying…
I tried very hard to control my temper, and I did it… I tried not to release it on anyone cos’ I don’t want my friends and family members to get hurt… I had controlled it so well that no one even found out that I do have temper… But because of this, I was mostly bullied by others, no matter where or when… But I just ignored, cos I know that the damage they done to me is not even HALF the damage compare to my strength if I really used it on them…
But when I know that I got a chance to come into
ITE College East to study
Nitec In Nursing in
Jan 2007, I was so happy that I promised myself no matter what, I must complete the course with flying colours and to know more friends… Never did I know again that this is when I can NO LONGER suppress my temper anymore… Thanks to
SITI JAMILAH from
JR0701A, U are very powerful, so powerful and tricky that U can
RELEASE my temper which I tried to suppress all these years with just the strength of your fingertips…
I tried to suppress myself after that, telling myself that since I can control myself in the past, why can’t I control it again… I’m not going to let this Bitch get what she wants. I’m going to control myself… I can make it, I can make it… But U know what, whenever I tried to control myself, the slashes on my right hand keeps reminding me about the accident in 2.1, that I shouldn’t let her off so easily… What do U think? Should I let her off just like that and am I going to live with this scar forever in my life?
I tried very hard to be a nice guy, so that I can go back to the society and be myself again… I really really want to be accepted by the Society again. But why is there always one or two little “part time” clowns or monkeys available around me. Don’t they know that they are making my life very miserable? I just wanted to settle down, and live peacefully and quietly somewhere…
I also found out that these “part timers” are not eXtras, they are somehow related to me but am here to piss me off just like what Siti Jamilah did to me… What should I do, how should I react? Should I act as if nothing happen and continue my journey, or should I just removed them once and for all…
